my only one.

I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you You are my only, my only one.

I miss your lips... and everything else attached to them. ~ Claire Colburn, Elizabethtown

down to one...

"There are millions of people out there. But in the end, it all comes down to one. I still panic sometimes, forget to breathe. But i know there's something beautiful in all my imperfections. A beauty in which he held out for me to see, a strength that can never be taken away." ~ Nicole, Crazy Beautiful

You loved me, wholly... gently... passionately... you loved me. The person that i am. You see my imperfections through eyes that bore deep into my soul. You see me as me. Your heart is bound to mine. As mine is bound to yours...

Yes, it all comes down to one. It all comes down to you.

How long until i....

81 days 8 hours 14 mins 15seconds....

and still counting... i'll be counting until the second you're back in my arms...counting until i feel you close to me again... counting until i can lay my hand on yours and never let go..
I'll be waiting... til the day i belong to you... entirely.. with no question... to see my name as part of yours... to feel my fingers laced with yours... to have your ring on my finger and my ring on yours... to kiss you for the first time... as your wife...
i'll be wating.

I belong to you now my darling... it doesnt matter whether in name or in paper.. whether in the eyes of millions of people or one person.. in my heart i belong to you. nothing and no one can change that.

I love you. simply. wholly. imperfectly. i love you.

Lips of an angel

"...it's really good to hear your voice saying my name... it sounds so sweet..coming from the lips of an angel, hearing those words it makes me weak...and I never wanna say goodbye..."


...never..not now..not now that i have you..

.:thanks givin' whats missin?

its the 23 of the month of november mahal, they were celebrating the eve of thanks giving...empty street..couples walking on the streets can easily be identified...in the air there’s the spirit of thanks giving...everyone big or small, young and old...greet with smile..happy thanksgiving..this is my first thanks giving... I woke up late this morning..i wanna stay in bed for a little bit longer...then I realized that usually this time..i am exchanging thoughts and I love yous thru email or a java chat room...and then her smile gives me that extra push to stand up and stay up..i have my laptop on the floor where I left it the other night as I wait for her messages to come and I slept with her face on the screen...on my mind...I decided last night to leave it where its at so that I can check right away if there’s any message for me the following day which is this morning.

eager.pulled the laptop and moved to the dining room so I can have a better and a more spacious place for me to move freely, I have my laptop, my external hdds, headset, camera...everything on top of the dining table... and she never failed my waiting..i received a message as soon as I log in to my email...made me smile...every once in a while ill do something like, cooking, getting a drink, exercise...things to keep me busy while I wait for the next message...we exchange messages thru email..and so did I remembered that I can contact her thru a 1800 number which I eagerly tried since I have the service phone for the day. success! I get to talk to her for a couple of minutes...its better than nothing at all...her voice is so soft and it has a soothing effect on me...

sadness.the whole morning, I felt a certain heaviness in my heart. its for a friend who just lost someone dear. its different coz he’s not coming back this time. hell be with HIM for good. its sad knowing that she is a good person and she had gone though so many things...and the only thing we can offer her is our support..in any ways possible...

hangin.we need to cut the line...her manager just arrived...I don’t want her to be on a not so good situation so we decided to use email instead. I really cant wait to talk to her. I found myself wishing for the nth time for the day to end and for her to get home safely so I can talk to her..hear her voice...we have a dinner party tonight and we have a limited time to spend together on the internet phone...

still. she got home safe and it really excite me to hear her voice...though I’m feeling something weird..something not right...something ..just something ... the moment she logged in to her chat app, there’s the feeling once more..the feeling of wanting to be near her..to be beside her... though the internet connection is giving us a problem its not enough to tame the excitement I’m feeling ...as soon as she opened the camera and speak.. I knew it... she’s still stucked to the sadness she came from this morning...I understand clearly... I know how she feels... and I don’t want her to feel so sad as if there’s no tomorrow...it hurts to know how you wanted to comfort her and let her feel that everything will be fine...that your still there and yet she still so tied up to what happened to a colleague... I just cant fake it...it made me so sad and made me wish that it was me instead...maybe shell be much better if it was me...its hurts me more to see her like that...she managed to pull it back, though through her eyes and her presence I can still sense that she cant just put that thought on the side... we manage to talk and smile...

dinner. we have to move...we have to move fast cause its almost 7 pm and we need to pack up and head to the dinner party. I have to say goodbye to her..and be with the boys for a company party..i really wanted to stay and be with her but this is a social obligation that I have to shoulder...

thanksgiving. there’s a lot of food and there’s this famous thanksgiving turkey. drinks. appetizer. everyone in formal attire.everything was set...and it went well. it was a great celebration but could have been better if she was there. everything there reminds me of her. her moves. how she would dress for such occasion.. how she would smile to everyone..GOD..everything reminds me of her..and most of the time I found myself silenced by the situation because everything reminds there leads me to the realization that shes note there...and I miss her so much.

plans. the crew said something bout christmas party that made me think. most of them will be back and join their family this christmas..ill be here for christmas...and new year... they were talking bout celebrating the christmas party...it made me sad...cause were not gonna celebrate it together...and most probably shell attend the party...not that i dont want her to, in fact i do...shell be all dressed up...she'll be extra gorgeous..therell be food and wine..therell be music and presentation... dance floor... other men will have a dance with her....all of them but me...ahhhh... this is too much... the momory of us dancing together in the pool crossed my mind...again I found myself gasping for air...I miss her like hell...I’m going crazy..thinking bout her...

ahhhh..now I’m in the living room and I’m still thinking of her...so much...while she sleeps I wanna whisper to her...how much I love her and miss her...I'm so missing her...so much...

baby...as you sleep. ill be in your dreams...and if you did not find me there..be at ease...im on the other side of your dream..battling nightmares and bad thoughts from interfering your sound sleep...

i love you baby... so much...

thanks givin' whats missin?... its you...the one i love so much...

.:thoughts before slumber:.

I wish you were here.
I wish i could hold your hand.
I wish i could lie and rest in your arms.

I wish.

Through the twilight of sadness i find myself wishing.
Wishing to be enfolded in arms of comfort.
Wishing to be surrounded by your love and strength.

I wish for you to feel my love.
I wish for you to know the depths of my emotions as i look into your eyes.
I wish for you to continue your dreams and have me in it.

They say we have to dream while we're awake
For if we dream when we sleep, when we wake up there is still nothing there.
In my wakeful moments i have you in my dreams.

And when i have you here. In my arms. I know...
All my dreams can come true.
I love you.

Confession Part 2

to my loving wife...

its 1:19 am, in the dining area I found myself...thinking of how I should tell you this...I...I have a confession..my love...and as you said to me...so am I telling you that "among anyone else in my life...you... as my wife should be the first to know."

I was a fool to believe that things won’t change, but time and space changed everything...everything between you and me... right now im on the other side of the planet, where when darkness covers your night... the sun is on its peak where im at... i never expected this...not even after 26 years of my life... i didn't expected something like this to happen... and yes being away from you made me realize a thing.

I love you..not..

I don’t want to hurt you honey, but sometimes... things will never turn out as planned... I am a fool to make you believe that I love you...and that I care for you... im a fool to let you believe that all those things that im telling you are true...when its not...

honestly... I lied.... im sorry for not telling you all these when it was just starting...when I felt something different ... there’s no one to blame but me....

its me... I lied about loving you...I have this idea of love and loving but what I feel for you grew into something even more...I don’t love you hon...coz it’s an understatement to tell you I love you... and even if I say I love you so much...that what I feel is ten folds of those I love yous...its not even close...

don't believe me next time, when I say I love you... cause its not even close to what I feel for you... don’t believe me that I care for you... cause taking a bullet for is not enough... to show you how much I do...

I love you so much...and if by telling you every day that I love you...you’ll have an idea of how much I do...then I think we should start life together...cause you’ll be spending a lifetime hearing me out....hearing those words... I love you.. my wife. my friend.my partner...and yes..my fantasy and reality in one...

"Ad infinitum.Aeternus."

Reality and Fantasy in One

I have a confession to make. I've fallen in love with someone. Among anyone else in my life I feel my husband should be the first to know. I didn't expect it. I didn't think it would happen so soon. Being away from you made me realize one thing:

I have fallen in love.

He's my fantasy. He makes me feel so many things. He makes me hot like no one else can. He makes me crave... he makes me long for him... he makes me yearn. I have found myself falling inlove with my lover. And so again... i have a confession to make:

I have fallen in love.

I've found him. And I want you to know. Please understand one thing. I never thought i'd fall for him so soon... But i have. And before you find out from anyone else... I would like to tell you myself....

I have fallen in love.

With you. My husband. My lover. My reality and fantasy in one.

the nearness of you...

another day.. another night ... darkness is still roaming outside the street, but somewhere, light is finding its way to brighten up ones day...

its 2am again, and im sitting here in front of this machine tip topping on the keyboard but doesnt reallly have anything in mind... tip top tip top tip...

had a long day yesterday, but it never felt that long towards the end of it as i anticipate to see a face... a smile...a voice...i almost lost my heart in the drivers seat, its beating so fast...seems like its skippin, jumpin...excited...like its racing against time...cant be late for a single sec... it feels like a child seeing the light of the day for the first time...


ahhhhh...its always like this, cause its that time of the day that i get to see you...feel you..and hear your voice...

a tickling feeling inside me knowing that youll be there... a feeling of joy and contentment knowing that ive seen someone that i can be happy with.cast everything down..cast everything i have...ive seen someone that made me realized what i wanted...its gonna be a long and challenging journey but i know well make it thru somehow...the situation and the time may not perfect but we found ourselves loving each other perfectly...

hon, you never failed to excite me...never failed to put a smile in my face..never failed to make melove you more...never failed to make me crave for you more...to miss you more...

...youll never fail to complete me...i can see better now, i can see the picture of us together...holding hands, facing all the challenges, but always with a smile on our face...knowing that no matter what you will be there..and i will be there for you...

you maybe far from me physicaly but other than that aspect...your not really that far...in fact...youre just here..inside me...loving me...caring for me...looking over me...

i never thought i'll fall for you this hard...this deep... i was and im still overwhelmed by that feeling...but im happy and i dont have any regrets on loving you this much...

the only thing that ill be regretting was if i didnt told you "i love you" or if i failed to show you how much i love you...

i love you so much hon...and ill be back home soon...into your arms...

"It's not the pale moon that excites me That thrills and delights me, It isn't your sweet conversation That brings this sensation, It's just the nearness of you... When you're in my arms and I feel you so close to me All my wildest dreams come true I need no soft lights to enchant me If you'll only grant me the right To hold you ever so tight And to feel in the night the nearness of you.."

Stick with me...

Holding hands... lying beside you... hearing your voice... seeing your smile.

Each day marks another day closer to you. Every passing hour, minute, second... gives a feeling of anticipation of what is to come.

I have memories of you in my mind. I have pictures of you to keep me company. I have your voice to comfort me in trying times. I have your words to keep me smiling. I have you.

I miss you. more than you know.

Stick with me honey... Let us tread the same path together...

"Anything less than mad, passionate extraordinary love is a waste of my time. There are too many mediocre things in life and love shouldn't be one of them." ~ Frankie, Dream for An Insomniac

You are my mad, passionate, extraordinary love. The love I never thought I'd be lucky enough to have.. I have you baby... I still can't believe it sometimes but I have you. I've found my dreams in you. I've found my partner. I've found my future.

So stick with me baby... Let's have a crazy, perfect life together. :)

Missing You... Part 2

Its 2am and Ill be sleeping soon..."dont stay up too late ok? Rest well baby.."..those were the last words i receive on my phone from this girls...on the other side of the globe...who, at this moment might be sleeping..deeply...the message was sitting there for 4 hours now...and i still find myself reading it...

i have my laptop near my bed...clicking..typing...not really doing anything...im just watching the images..passing by the display...slide show...of a familiar face...."dont stay up late"...its already late..."rest well baby"...thats the complete opposite of what i am right now...

i cant sleep...and im restless...someones on my mind...and just the mere picture of her smile keeps me up. just cant get enough of her face..the picture of her smile...the happiness that can only be discovered in her eyes...those lips that i always daydream about...skin that makes me tremble and shiver inside...the love that i dont wanna miss not even for a single second..

images on the laptop...of the lady on the other side of this planet...the nearest thing i have about her...my heart is on the other side of this earth...with the lady that i long for...the lady i love so much...the lady that i cannot live without... the owner of my heart and soul...

"...i miss you"...(whisper)..."i miss you so much ... and my heart wont rest..until i have you back in my arms again".

...throwing these words on her pictures...

...oh god, im missing her so bad... and i cant stop feeling what im feeling...cause its like an air that keeps me alive...

im missing her...im missing the girls on the other side of the sphere...and that girl is you..

i miss you hon...i love you so much..that words it self is not enough to tell you how much i do love you...

...you are always remember hon...no one can keep you away from me...wait for me...ill be back home..

Missing You...

I woke up having you on my mind. I watched your video again... and my heart once again swelled with love. I missed you... so much this morning. I miss you more now.

I haven't been able to tell you all the words i wanted to say earlier on the phone... I havent' been able to take out that lump on my throat the entire time. There was so much I wanted to tell you.. So much I wanted to share.. but somehow. I didn't feel like then was the right time..

I went to bed with a heavy heart... and i realized there was really no wrong time to tell someone how much you love them. I realized if i only blurted it out earlier... if only i said it then perhaps we would have slept better. Perhaps we wouldn't feel burdened by words unsaid.

I love you my darling. I love you so much. I couldnt bear the thought of losing you.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to build a family with you. I wanna grow old with you. I wanna be able to go through my life knowing i have you by my side. I wanna be able to take care of you, bear your children and be with you through thick and thin. I wanna lay your head on my shoulder when your tired, have my arms around you in slumber, open my eyes and see you there. I wanna make love to you and only you for the rest of my life.

I want a life with you. Only you. Always you.

These are the words i wanted to tell you. These are the things i've been thinking of as i shed tears of yearning. I have all these in my heart. And yet i didn't simply say it.

I'm sorry my darling. For being so quiet... for keeping all these to myself. Your love overwhelms me and leaves me speechless. Your heart leaves my heart yearning for you. I've come to a point where losing you is no longer an option. I don't want to lose you. Not when i've found you after years of searching...

Baby, keep holding my hand... keep loving me... i ask of nothing else but that.

A home with you...

34 sqm studio area
1 bedroom
1 toilet and bath
kitchen
dining area
utility room
living area
storage area

imagining a home with you. :)

Sigh..answered..

why sigh? well get there hon... i never craved and longed to be with someone this bad...never felt the drive to be married to another individual this strong... never longed for anyone like hell..and never loved someone this mad..

i wanna be with you..forever..
wanna be close to you...
wanna feel you..
wanna love you like no other...

Sigh.

unfinished

"There is no remedy for love but to love more and on marriage you don't marry someone you can live with - you marry the person who you cannot live without."

be continued....

For My Wifey

You dont know who much i love you my darling..but let me say it to you..everyday..every morning...and every waking hours of my life...

I love you so much my wife, my one and only, Clarence Enriquez Y Agoncillo

your hubby,
Jhasfer Harris Enriquez

For My Husband

I love you Jhasfer Harris Enriquez.

your wife,

Clarence Agoncillo Enriquez

to you my honey.

miles... thousands of miles separates us. its been almost a month since the day you left. And i find myself missing you as much as the first night. you ask if i'd ever be tired of waiting... if I'd ever be tired of your love.... i say one thing: your love keeps me strong. i feel it from thousands of miles away. I feel its intensity as if you're here... holding my hand.

I know we will always fear the thought of losing each other. Dreams, situations, uncertainties will come... i admit my weakness. YOU. you make me weak as you make me strong. The thought of losing you... the thought of no longer being in the comfort of your love leaves me weak.

As i go through all these feelings while you are away, i know you have been going through similar emotions. Circumstances may seem different, but we yearn for the same thing... that our love be steadfast through this distance. I am still left awed at the connection we have. How we seem to be able to relate to each other in ways we've never experienced with anyone else.

I've never feared losing anyone as much as i feared losing you. I've never allowed myself to be touched so deeply until i found you.. I've never enjoyed dreaming my dreams with anyone else until i started dreaming with you.

you tell me.. i belong to you... that you won't allow anyone else to have me. that you can't imagine being with anyone else but me. I say this: YES. I belong to you like no one else could. you have my heart. you've had it since the night we shared a ride to makati. i may have tried to deny it but denying something so right and meant to be is foolish. I don't want to be that.

And so i tell you this. I will be here... waiting. I will be here... loving you from thousands of miles away. I'll be here... as your honey, your bunshin, your baby, your darling, your mahal, your wifey.

When you come back to me, I'll be all those things and more. I love you.

just a blink away

the day was about to end...woke up, prepared for work, fixed the bed sheets...and off i go. nothing really special..nothing really extraordinary...worked..read some emails. checked the mailbox. lunch time...later ...ill be driving home..then maybe rest.

boring... really?!@#$*

not at all..it may be that plain outside...but there's so many thing's happening in my head...in my heart...i am longing and wanting to be alone with someone...THE ONLY ONE...she'll be waiting..and ill be coming back to her ...soon...minutes, hours, days, months..will pass..but she will never be off my mind...not a single nano second...no matter what you see outside..its not always the real thing...there are joys in simple things...

everytime i close my eyes, i can see myself with her...just a blink away..every beat of my heart will be heard soon, by the only person its beating for...every breath will be shared with the one i've longed, for so long...

baby, honey...i'll be home soon...in your arms...and you'll be resting in my chest, my arms and shoulders will carry you, protect you...you'll be with me soon..

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"you are my lovelight, this I know. and I'll never let you go you . my all, you're heart, part of me.once I was lost and now I'm found. then you turned my world around when I need you. I call your name. this feeling's so deep inside of me. such a tender fantasy . you're the one I'm living for . you are my sunlight and my rain. and time could never change. what we share forever more. i never knew love like this before now I'm lonely never more since you came into my life"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

to be in love

"To be truly in Love is to know that you will forever be truly happy in your heart."

"Who knows when meeting shall ever be. It might be for years or It might be forever. Let us then take a lump of clay, Wet it, pat it, And make an image of you And an image of me. Then smash them, crash them, And, with a little water, Knead them together. And out of the clay we'll remake An image of you, and an image of me. Thus in my clay, there's a little of you, And in your clay, there's a little of me. And nothing will ever set us apart. Living, we'll be forever in each other's heart, And dead, we'll be buried together" - Madame Kuan

The certainty of YOU

once again i feel it
this glowing feeling of knowing its you
this knowledge that i have finally found you
my heart skips a beat
i drown myself in this awesome feeling
of love and being loved

its the certainty of you.
i have found you at last.
I've been lost my whole life and now...
I'm caught..
In the depths of your arms

I've never felt this certain
I've never felt this blessed
I've never felt this kind of love my whole life
untilthe love i found in you.