Missing You...

I woke up having you on my mind. I watched your video again... and my heart once again swelled with love. I missed you... so much this morning. I miss you more now.

I haven't been able to tell you all the words i wanted to say earlier on the phone... I havent' been able to take out that lump on my throat the entire time. There was so much I wanted to tell you.. So much I wanted to share.. but somehow. I didn't feel like then was the right time..

I went to bed with a heavy heart... and i realized there was really no wrong time to tell someone how much you love them. I realized if i only blurted it out earlier... if only i said it then perhaps we would have slept better. Perhaps we wouldn't feel burdened by words unsaid.

I love you my darling. I love you so much. I couldnt bear the thought of losing you.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to build a family with you. I wanna grow old with you. I wanna be able to go through my life knowing i have you by my side. I wanna be able to take care of you, bear your children and be with you through thick and thin. I wanna lay your head on my shoulder when your tired, have my arms around you in slumber, open my eyes and see you there. I wanna make love to you and only you for the rest of my life.

I want a life with you. Only you. Always you.

These are the words i wanted to tell you. These are the things i've been thinking of as i shed tears of yearning. I have all these in my heart. And yet i didn't simply say it.

I'm sorry my darling. For being so quiet... for keeping all these to myself. Your love overwhelms me and leaves me speechless. Your heart leaves my heart yearning for you. I've come to a point where losing you is no longer an option. I don't want to lose you. Not when i've found you after years of searching...

Baby, keep holding my hand... keep loving me... i ask of nothing else but that.